House of Mousecakes
Why would a cat spend $6.95 on a short stack of buttermilk mousecakes, when they can have their human valets cook them for free? Because truly great mousecakes contain actual mousemeat, and humans are too wimpy to use the delicacy in their own cooking.
Enter the House of Mousecakes, open 7 days a week, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Granted, the food's not great. And it's overpriced. And you sometimes have to wait 3 hours for a table.
Ah, but the calories. It's not that mousecakes contain lots of fat. It's that the waitstaff brings giant paper cups filled with butter to paint on the vittles. Also, you get your choice of 12 syrups in flavors ranging from trash and giblets to sardine bones.
Better than the food, however, is the bottomless pot of catnip tea that accompanies every order. And the waitstaff will be pleased to bring you endless cartons of thick, real cream (which even tastes good once the catnip tea is finally all gone).
Even though the waitstaff demonstrated the greatest degree of incompetence and arrogance we'd ever experienced,
we still felt compelled to leave our server a hefty
tip. After all, although it took us only 10 minutes to consume our meal, we
spent 3.75 hours at the House of Mousecakes. And, all that time, our server
worked at chatting with her colleagues, spitting into patrons' dishes, and
tapping cigarette butts onto diners' laps. We felt all that time
and energy deserved rich compensation. Besides, we knew we were never going
back to the House of Mousecakes, so we figured: what the heck. Let the
record show we were as generous as we were nauseated by our dining
Want us to review a hot eatery before you spend any of your hard-earned dough on it? Drop us a line with your suggestion to: firstname.lastname@example.org