Cleopatra's House of Sloth 

Cuisine : Excellent
Litterbox cleanliness : Excellent 
Reservations: No
Toilet water license: Yes
No-catnip section: Yes
Price: $$$

Have you every dreamed of lying in a hammock and having human valets drop bits of meat and dead insects into your mouth while other valets preen your tail?

You don’t have to be the king or queen of anything to enjoy such royal treatment. Just drive on down to Cleopatra’s House of Sloth for perhaps the most unusual dining experience of a lifetime. Don’t waste your breath asking for a table – there isn’t one.  Every patron reclines in a chaise lounge tended by human valets wearing robes and togas (one human valet per cat). The server valets bring assorted treats – cheese, fresh turkey bits, freshly zapped insects, and more. We thought Viennese mousedogs and flambéed flies in green sauce were especially tasty. After the meal, preener valets, equipped with assorted brushes and chin rubbing gear, had us all purring in high gear.

Believe it or not, the dining experience continued to get better. Just as we were dozing off, a calico feline, dressed as Cleopatra herself, jumped onto a pedestal and hit a large brass gong with a metal pooper scooper. She then reached into a jar and pulled out a plastic fish with a number stamped on its tail. The patrons then checked the labels of their server valets’ boxer shorts, and the ones with the matching number enjoyed a free meal. What do you know -- one of our evening’s entourage, Mama Mothball of the Morning Hairball, won the freebie dinner! (She even got to  keep the plastic fish, after making something of a fuss about how her kitten, Merry Mothball, wouldn’t go to school the next day unless presented with a souvenir from the famous restaurant.)  Anyway, one thing is certain -- if you want a royally good time, Cleo’s is the place to be!

 



 


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