Chez Leftovers

Cuisine: Italian
Litterbox cleanliness: excellent
Reservations: Better believe it
Toilet water license : Yes
No-catnip section: Yes
Price : $$$$$
Overall Rating: *****

We're very picky about awarding 5 stars, but we really have no choice when it comes to New York's Chez Leftovers. There, you'll find remainders - delivered daily -- from some of the finest restaurants in the City, including the Spitz Carleton, the Foul Seasons, and the Russian Flea Room.  If you've ever envied human valets their choices in fine dining experiences, then discover Chez Leftovers. You have but to raise a paw, and a genuine tuxedo cat will immediately scamper over to take your order. In no time, you'll receive trays and platters full of wrapped-up remainders delivered daily from the dumpsters outside some of the most elegant restaurants in the Cityt. You'll discover a truly satisfying array of stepped on, chewed up, spat out, and over-ripened chicken parts, complete with side orders of sat-on scalloped potatoes, dried-up rice, and mutilated ravioli. Some selections are even fermented! You also might be lucky enough to find a rat hanging from a drumstick - and there's never an extra charge for the rodent.  To go with the meal, you'll have your choice of leftover drops of red or white catnip juice.

We began our repast with an appetizer of crushed shrimp tails followed by a regurgitated regional greens salad. For the main course, we opted for the herring bone marsala, with a side of moldy cheese and curried crud. And for dessert? How magnificent -- a crème de crappola topped with the chef's own raspberry reduction!

Sure, the meals at Chez Leftovers are expensive. But you can get a hefty discount by participating in the food buyback program: you sell back any portion of your meal that you can't finish, and those food items are then recycled for the next patrons' meals.  So who can resist the combination of fine dining and affordability? Not us!